SCREW YOU GUYS I HATE HIGH SCHOOL

SCREW YOU GUYS I HATE HIGH SCHOOL

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: IF YOU'RE IN YOUR TWENTIES AND ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL OR WANTING TO BE BACK THERE, YOU WERE PROBABLY COOLER THAN ME OR YOU NEED A LIFE/JOB/FRIEND/CAT.

However I do understand sometimes being forced to go back to that hell hole. Because honestly you guys, you will never run away from high school. It will attack you in TJ Maxes in your hometowns or in a CVS on a Sunday night, and literally every time it does, you will be looking your worst. 

But worry not friends and lovers, I have some tips on how to get by and get home.  

1. "Shut up, Ashley "

This tip is called "Shut up Ashley". This is for that girl that you knew who was just kinda eh but you were kinda friends with her because you had Spanish together. Right now she's probably doing okay in life, but when you talk to her she hypes up her life SO much that you couldn't possibly think she's having anything but the time of her life. These people are such liars, and they just want you to leave that conversation thinking how great their life is and how you could never top them. Here's how you deal with these peasants. 

EXAMPLE:

QUEEN YOU: Hey Ashley! What's up, how's college?

PEASANT ASHLEY: OMG hi!!! It's so grood, I am killing it. I totally got the freshman 15, and by 15, I mean 15 different best friends who all own yachts themselves and take me out every day! I have an Italian boyfriend who is 7'9 and I eat chocolate all day everyday and have lost weight doing so. 

QUEEN YOU: Just shut up Ashley *drop the mic get outta there*

2. Honesty Time 

This is for people who you just don't have the time or energy to deal with. Like we were never that close, we never will be and I'm really not heartbroken about it. Plus I'm tired, I didn't plan on even running into you today.

EXAMPLE:

Lab Partner from freshman year maybe named Kevin or something: Hey! Its so good to see...

You: I'm gonna stop you right there Kevin, goodbye.

3. The 'We Weren't Friends'

This is for really polite people who can't just pretend they don't know you, they have to say hi even if you never were friends.  I usually don't even remember the names of these people. The best way to deal with these people is honesty, and I think they'll appreciate it.

EXAMPLE:

Anna from fifth period who you CANNOT remember her name: Hey! It's so good to see you, how are you?

You: Honestly Amanda, I barely know you and I don't wanna do this today, or ever. Goodbye. 

4. The Ex
Self explanatory

EXAMPLE:

EX WHO LOOKS FAT SINCE HIGH SCHOOL: Oh hey, how are you? Its been forever!

YOU WHO DEFINITELY HAS SHOWERED THIS WEEK AND HAS MATURED INTO A HOT ADULT: *urinates pants with class and runs to the car*

5. The Smile, Wave and Flip your Hair

This can be applied to any of the weenies mentioned above, anyone from high school or really just anyone ever. You don't owe it to anyone to have awkward small talk if you don't want to, you do you.

EXAMPLE:

Mom: Hey Amy can you clean your room up for..

Amy: *smile, waves and flips hair

Jk don't disrespect mothers