Micheal Cera

This blog post is called Micheal Cera because he’s the face of puberty in my head. His awkward essence and ever changing body reminds me of what women go through in their lifetime. 

After 15, you’re basically screwed. Your body won’t be able to handle your hourly five course meal, in fact it will want a permanent residence in your insides. But if you want my opinion, AND YOU DO BECAUSE YOU’RE READING MY BLOG, who cares. When I die I want people to think I was a nice person and had people that loved her, not my body type. Honestly I would be offended if someone at my funeral said something like “well I remember she was skinny, RIP”. Like who is that person and how did they get into my funeral? 

In my opinion (and probably most sane people), all women should feel beautiful. What songs like "Anaconda" and "All About That Base” get wrong is that its not about hating skinny girls, it’s about loving all bodies no matter their shape or size. 

But I do understand the occasional feelings of “omg I’m fat”, because that’s just life. So I wrote up some tips on how to handle these issues.

1. workout/eat healthy

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2.VISUAL TRICKERY!!!!

One can achieve this look multiple ways.

A.   Wear vertical stripes, “drawing the eye up”. These lines will either mess up someone’s eyes so much they will literally be blinded by your body (recommended), or be tricked into thinking you have Barbie’s dimensions(harder to do). 

B. Wear Black. Black looks good on everyone. It’s cool, it’s what the kids are wearing these days and almost anything you would want to wear comes in black.

C. Wear your Grandfathers clothes. My g-pa was hip, so I stole some of his flannels and my body literally disappeared into them in high school. Baggy clothes are the best clothes, and that way people don't even see you on their level to judge.  

D. Wear something almost unbearably tight. It'll suck everything in and hug your bones, making you look almost skeletony. Beauty is pain so suck it up.

If you follow any of these steps you’ll be feeling 15 again, and if you don’t feel that way who cares! Being beautiful starts on the inside and the rest doesn’t really matter. What do you want to be remember for?


Also sorry there's so much Khloe K on here, but she's the queen of looking good.